getting wise-old-white haired

I keep reminding people that i'm getting older these days. It becomes an excuse for all the follies and fancies that i commit ever so often.
how did i come to know that? It happened one fine morning-Quite by chance.. i woke up and didn't remember where i was, was it at my Home, or my home, or somewhere else.
Getting old means you fossilize your values and perceptions, you trust yourself maybe a bit too much, you inadvertently resist change, you lose the hunger for learning, you walk through the day in trance induced by intoxicating memories.

I have been wondering lately if i fit the bill, who do and who do not. quite a fruitless exercise i guess.
there are many thing that warrant my wonder. where has the good old probity in public life gone, why manipulating people has become a new virtue. why i feel angry when i look around and yet i do not lift a finger? why have the hope been adulterated with sneer and contempt? in short why has the world gone bad?..which brings me to another question- has the world gone bad or have i started seeing it differently?
i see little kids begging at signals and do not feel pity, I feel disgust. I see our leadership zooming by and i feel contempt.
i lull myself into waiting for a perfect plan before i act on any of it.
I have become risk-averse. I can see myself becoming Real/Normal instead of hopeful/alive..
Do i Hate myself? No I do not. Do i hate anyone? i dig into myself and get no for an answer. there is another word that comes up, indifference..
For Yudhishthira the biggest wonder was how every mortal believed in earnest that he will not meet the same fate as others...
someone wanted to die for life was not worth living, i wonder if it's worth dying for...
All these years, i have been fighting each day, fighting myself, goading myself into walking the path if there aren't others around to do the needful..
Now I sit on a park bench.. and close my eyes........