one page from a 'staggered' night

one late night, staggering out of a 'watering hole' i realized i had nowhere to go. i had been living a dream for many years, a dream not extraordinary in any respect, an ordinary dream.
i often spoke about it, wrote about it, alluded to it, hinted at it, deep inside,i knew it to be a lost dream, deep inside i knew to be alive, it had to alive, it had to immortal for it was my dream.
Where do you go when you have nowhere to go?
well you land up somewhere where you can sleep peacefully until you were wiser, that is if you were fortunate.if you were unfortunate, you end up turning to one of the places that were..you might get eaten up by hungry wolves, or simply curious ones, (or you might join them. you might end up in places where people believe in euthanasia, or with someone who believes in enduring the suffering, preserving the sacred life and such non-sense.
there might also be places who are angry enough to bury you in them, and places that love you so much to let you lie/cocoon you in themselves.
Having nowhere to go throws up interesting possibilities, by choice or otherwise, it is interesting because you can walk for ages and reach nowhere, precisely from where you started, and that takes out responsibility from your actions, you can afford to be reckless, take chances.
this makes your dilemma quite absurd, and interesting, almost unreal to yourself.not unlike a dream from where we started.
I started from a memory, a powerful memory,etched, possibly with too strong a reagent, burning and blackening and blurring the written, making it illegible, unforgettable.
That night, and many nights before and after, i made some wrong choices, and many right ones,which are which, the perspective changes, as if i was watching the past from a fast moving train,torturing through the mountains and valleys, you climb higher and see the same track, the same view as if entirely renewed until finally, after many trips, you tune out the view and surprises, beauty and lessons it offers.
if you decide to go everywhere,do you reach somewhere in the end? not necessarily.
it's just that you understand that all the trips you took were on wrong path and right path at the same time, and it is possible to create magic..