a Sunday escape

weekend are meant for quite a few things. there is usually a huge list of activities and theories about weekends. weekends are for taking a break from routine, for fixing things you can't during the week due to professional commitments..planning for next week, spending times with friends, reading books you were meaning to since long, going for an outing and so on..
heard a song, about a sleepless night, and desire for sleep for a moment, desire to let a dream run through its course, a dream that was broken, i remember this as my wish from childhood. i always wondered why i could not re-run the same dream if i tried sleeping again.why a moment is lost forever.. it does, i know that for a fact now and i knew it then, but why i do not know.
it is interesting how sometimes time runs in circles,you come to same point in your life again and again, and then you don't, in another dimension there is no turning back..
when i say no turning back, it gives the moment a weight, i wonder if i did the best i could in that moment, and then at another level it hardly matters..each moment of our lives we make a decision, on how to live it, or someone else makes it, or we make a policy on doing something or not doing it and we follow it..
we need structures, decisions, policies, orders and religion to assuage this fear of not making the right decision, the dread of making a decision each and every millisecond..
what it means is that the most important thing in one's life is to find the right anxiety management structure.. it doesn't make a difference all the time, but it makes you less anxious. so the proverbial;'he died smiling, in a ditch, shot several times and wounded, in intense pain in some faraway unknown country'.
now what happens if i make a wrong choice, or not make this decision at all, early enough in life?
i will be finding the hitherto unknown things, so i might become a fidgety, anxious, discoverer, or i might become a slob, i might find doing anything extremely difficult, start considering it a lost cause.
I might decide world to be a wonderland, and live in it, with interesting results, depending upon my station in life, if i were a prince, people might find my behaviour queer, but i might still live a happy life. if i were a to fend for myself, thing will be difficult.
who makes this choice for us, early in our age? or what influences it? what influences a fruitful evolution suitable for my life and times?
Parents, family, friends, environment & genetics are possible culprits.
interesting thought, a successful politician indulging in nepotism isn't really doing such a bad thing. he is sharing the fruits of success to those who make it possible..;)